Tuesday, October 14, 2008

I never, ever thought I'd think, or even say, this, but...

I do not know if I can do this. It is much too much.

I guess I must qualify my statement.

I do not know if am doing, or can do, justice to this job.

I am not sure if I even want to right now.

My workload is overwhelming. Even with careful planning, eager anticipation, willingness to bend over backwards and spend much too much time devoted to all things school, this workload is too much.

Teaching six different classes, all new curriculum, students who for the most part have soft minds and an unwillingness to work hard (or maybe I should say, work, period) is undoing me.

I couple history with geography plus read extra material. I make strategies to help the students learn and have seen that, for most students, these strategies are not used to accomplish their purposes. I'm tempted, veryvery tempted, to assign reading and post a test date. If they get it, then they had to work on their own to get it.

My English sections are beginning to overwhelm also. English, in my opinion, naturally included spelling, vocabulary, grammar, writing, and literature. Five classes in the guise of one. The grammar is a juggling act. Beginning a new curriculum in which the students haven't had certain portions before is a juggling act. Nope. It's a dance production, and my job is to choreograph the dance. I'm doing a poor job of it. Too many decisions to make and not enough time to think about them.

How can I instill a passion for learning when my passion for teaching is waning? I long for those prior days when leisure gave rise to the pursuit of learning. Overworked, definitely underpaid, and seemingly unappreciated by students (and possibly some parents). And the admin? Shoot, I don't even need to go there.

Not a good day. Week. Month.
What's next? Year? The possibility is high.

Now back to figuring out my strategy to live through all this.


Carrie K. said...

Janie, I will keep you in my prayers, asking God to give you strength, stamina, and peace. Hang in there!

Anonymous said...

You know that if you can teach your four hellions, that you can do this!!!! Love you Mama! ~Ashley

A Circle of Quiet said...

Dear, dear Janie,

I looked over at John just now, told him of your post, and asked him if I could tell you he is praying for you. He joked, "Tell her to quit instead." Can he understand? YES. He taught those "Six in One" English classes for over twenty years, and it has only been these last two that have had only history as the prep. We will pray! Wish I could provide more support. I am good at the "listening ear, sit next to you while you grade all those discouraging papers" act. Wanna meet in Kansas? (-:

Much love,
Diane (for John, too)

Kristine said...

Janie, you are doing the work of three people this year, and you are doing it well beyond what anyone could possibly do in the long term.

It's not a surprise that the students are having a tough time adjusting; they've never had the opportunity or motivation to THINK like this before. The fruits need time to ripen, to grow sweet... (not that I'm calling the kids "fruits," lol).

Think back about your original goals for this huge undertaking. It wasn't to glorify yourself through the students, through the parents or through the admin. God HAS a plan in all of this, and He has a plan for you in all of this. You might not see it now or anytime soon, but you can know He DOES have a plan.

Jer. 29:11.