Thursday, August 15, 2013

In-betweeness






Kind of a difficult time, these last few days. 

Some not-so-nice emotions are doing their best to subdue and subvert me. Most are due, I believe, from a mixture of post-short-vacation tiredness, the in-betweenness of direcitons to go, the ambivalence of projects on the horizon, and the leftover weariness from some hard classroom teaching years.

But most of these not-so-nice emotions are stemming from the stuff I hear from where I was last year, and the year before that, and . . . .  Stuff that shouldn't bother me, but it does. Stuff I am not encumbered with now, but I am. 

When I hear how things are there now, and how things have changed, I immediately realize that those are the very changes that I had requested to enable me to continue. They were BIG ones too. And then I think, if only . . . . But, no. Those are good changes. They are great for those who are there. I do wonder how different things would be now for me if those requests had been granted.

I am satisfied with my decision, though, and believe that with time, these feelings will fade and distance themselves to the doesn't-bother-me place in the universe. But it's really a bit hard to swallow right now and makes for some mildly difficult days. 

Maybe with another hard night's sleep, the weariness will fade further and so will the rawness. Tomorrow is, after all, a new day without any mistakes, as dear Anne with an "e" would declare.

 

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